Famed serial monogamist Laurie Feinswog, Lager Rhythms' cornsilk-tressed alto goddess, enjoys the delusion of being one of the group's founding members, but let's face it, enough went on during that first rehearsal to make it really matter. Fortunately, she holds our coveted "Most Misspelled Name" ribbon, which more than makes up for it.

Born on a famous holiday, but inexplicably not yet the subject of a major Oliver Stone movie *or* a state-sanctioned crucifixion, Laurie grew up-at least aged-in New Jersey, the Garden State, so-called because the haze is thick enough to plant beets in. Be sure to ask for her grandmother's famous "red beets and rice" recipe, because she's trying to get rid of it.

After many years spent huddling on street grates for warmth, Laurie was accepted to Cornell University's physics program. Unfortunately, she had meant to apply to *Columbia* University; the mix-up meant that she didn't spend the next four years in the best part of Manhattan, but instead spent it under an insulating eight-foot blanket of snow in Ithaca, a town in Greece famous for Odysseus not being able to find it. "Now where did that city go?" he'd ask rhetorically, even though rhetoric wouldn't be invented until the Golden Age of Philosophy in nearby Athens four hundred years later. "Oh, well," he continued, "Guess I better go have sex with some nymphs while more of my sailors get slaughtered and eaten." That's a standard Laurie's tried to live up to ever since.

Laurie acquired soon-to-be ex-husband #1 while pursuing an advanced degree in a land known for being wet and green. (No, still not at Rice University. Be patient!) Seattle's fertility landed her with a son who she still talks to, even though he's almost a teenager.

Following her completion of nocturnal emission measurement-she has a Master's degree in Astronomy-Laurie finally heeded the call of destiny, came to Houston, and did something or other that she can't talk about, but let's just say that the words "restraining order" were an important consideration.

Burdened with extensive legal bills, a young child with no obvious psychological scarring, and membership in an eclectic a cappella band, Laurie felt she had no choice but to abandon her most recent of several academic careers (yes, Virginia, this one at Rice) and pursue wealth and fame as a writer of technology. The novels and the memoir will have to wait until she has collected enough sordid experiences to make them worthwhile.

Check out WW Wordsmith's website for more about her work, or write to her here.